Portland Coroner: “buycott” app user starved to death


The Portland, Oregon coroner’s office has determined that a 26- year old local Portland man starved to death after relying on his “‘buycott” app to only buy food that fit in with his political and moral worldview.

Friends of the deceased,  known as “Rainbow Bob,” said no matter what product he scanned on his iPhone app, there was something that offended his moral senses. Asked why Bob had an iPhone considering the controversy over Apple using slave labor to produce  iPhones, his friends stared blankly.

His family said the increasingly wasting away Bob became despondent at not being able to buy any food that fit in with his principles.  There was always something that some company did that offended him. In a last-ditch attempt to eat, he decided to go local. However, when he used his app he found out local farmers did things that offended him as well.

One farmer smoked cigarettes.  Another farmer, an organic one,  left the lights on when he wasn’t in the room

In lieu of flowers his, family asked that donations be made to the “Don’t Be a Dumbass Fund”

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3 thoughts on “Portland Coroner: “buycott” app user starved to death

  1. This belongs in the Onion! I’m from Portland though… but it’s the perfect city to get this point across. This could also be an episode of Portlandia.

  2. Could you give me a link to the news story? Every time I search I just get sent back here. Thanks 😀

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